The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation

You hear and read a lot about ways to improve your relationship. But if you’ve tried these without much success, you’re not alone. Many highly reactive couples—pairs that are quick to argue, anger, and blame—need more than just the run-of-the-mill relationship advice to solve their problems in love. When destructive emotions are at the heart of problems in your relationship, no amount of effective communication or intimacy building will fix what ails it. If you’re part of a “high-conflict” couple, you need to get control of your emotions first, to stop making things worse, and only then work on building a better relationship.

The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you’ll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You’ll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.

Nanci Arvizu, Writing and Reviews Editor

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Write, Publish, Promote. Words I am learning to live by. Want this to be your motto too? Join me and together we’ll navigate the path to publishing success.


  1. analytically oriented help for conflict-prone couples High Conflict Couple is a concise, easy to understand guide for couples seeking to deepen their relationship and ease their conflicts. 

  2. A great resource for all couples! This book is full of practical tips on how to make any couple’s relationship better. It places a lot of emphasis on validation (what it is, how to validate and how we frequently inadvertantly invalidate each other without realizing it). Each chapter includes exercises to practice what was discussed. The exercises essentially help a couple to start to immediately put into practice what was discussed in the chapter; it’s amazing how the techniques, though not complicated, really seem to work…

  3. Highly recommended to improve your relationship! This book is an important new resource not only for people concerned about relationship conflict. Anyone struggling with anxiety, depression, or other “individual” emotional problems who is also in an intimate relationship could benefit. More and more, psychologists are discovering just how important relationships are to what we once thought were individual personal problems. This wonderful book is rich with real life examples and straightforward exercises every reader can do. This book is…

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